just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
