i just google imaged poop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
