i really wish james franco would like my vagina
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
