we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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