so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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