paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
