Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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