hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
