By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
