So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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