Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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