Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
