i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
