So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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