Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
