i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
