Plan B is the new Plan A
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
