this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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