Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
