woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bring me that man meat
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
