I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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