I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
