She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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