I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
