Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
