That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
