drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
