no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
