M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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