Got a toothbrush?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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