dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
