4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
