I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
