I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
