Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
