i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
