I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
