i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
