I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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