Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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