omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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