You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
