It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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