ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
