Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
