i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
