Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
