Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
