the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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