It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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