If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
