I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
