She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
