I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Girls should come with a carfax report
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
